Resolutions have always left me with a bad aftertaste. The year would end and even though my heart told me it was a good year, in my mind I would see only what I didn’t do.
Never mind all the pregnancies, babies, meals on the table, thousands of diapers changed, lessons taught, many kids tucked in and nearly as many sleepless nights.
Those undone, nasty resolutions would haunt me.
This year I will….
Have a balanced budget, a name for every dollar. Some years this wasn’t a resolution it was a necessity but my heart wasn’t necessarily in it!
I WILL lose weight, and even if I did, somehow it still wasn’t enough weight lost.
I will absolutely treasure every moment with my children. Quite possibly the most outrageous and unreachable of them all.
Read my bible early, every day only the baby would get up earlier every day.
Give up coffee. Just messin’! No homeschooling mother should ever resolve to do that, especially in January in Michigan!
Most of us have been in this end of December funk. I truly don’t think I’ve ever hit an after Christmas depression, it is more of an end of year evaluation of my regrets. So a few years ago I made my last resolution.
No more resolutions.
I can lose weight in May or November or January because I want to lose weight. The beginning of the year won’t define when I decide to do something.
Each day I can wake up with a resolve to listen to the holy spirit conviction on my heart for THAT day.
To treasure moments with my kids is going to be a moment by moment battle.
To stick to our budget and remember that money has opportunity cost, this is a daily struggle not a yearly commitment.
Knowing that Jesus is there with me in all my moments, that even my feeble prayers and pondering of one bible verse throughout the day matter to the heart of God. Whether I am up at 7am or calling out to God at 7pm has no bearing on His value of me and that berating myself is of no value to the kingdom of God!
Coffee. God bless it. Let the earth never run out of this natural resource!
So what now, wander through life with NO goals?
Last year was the first year that I picked a word to focus on throughout the entire year. Not a resolution but a simple word to apply to the life I am already living.
Most of my adult years I have had pretty bold, passionate personality and had spent the last few years trying to water it down a (substantial) bit. That was all needed, just ask my husband! If I believed something, even if the person I was talking to wasn’t ready to receive it, I would tend to say it anyway. That doesn’t exactly get you far in a relationship! Lesson learned, however by last year I had swung too far the other direction and was at a point where my value and what I believed about myself were being threatened.
That feeling when you are sure your truest self is nearly done with, I was there. Something needed to change, my word for last year was Fearless.
Fearless. At the time I had no clue why God was putting that word on my heart but by the end of 2016 I can safely say it all makes sense now.
What I gained by living Fearlessly…
Living a life that is sensitive to others needs without apologizing for who God created me to be. Truly a tough balancing act. Following God’s call for my life whether it be homeschooling, motherhood or showing courageous kindness to others trusting Him with the outcome, scary as it may be. To stand in the face of your fear, and jump anyway.
I began facing some of the worst lies I had believed about myself and tackled them one at a time.
By April I had followed a calling God had placed on my heart by writing and sharing my perspective as a Homeschool Girl Turned Homeschool Mom here on the blog. When I hit “publish” for the first time I figured my parents, sister and husband would read it at the absolute best. See how much I had believed in myself? Not much. God had other plans.
Once I realized an average of a thousand people a month would be visiting Soaring Arrows, not much but FAR more than I had imagined, I had a whole new chance to be Fearless and keep sharing transparently without worrying what others may say about my honest truth.
Halfway through the year I went through an emotionally challenging time but continued to press on and seek God’s wisdom in how I would handle that challenge without fear and also keep my integrity intact through it all.
Through it all God showed me that when I am standing there on the edge of that cliff ready to make that leap, He takes my hand and flies down right with me.
Not only is He with me but he was and will continue to be my defender, rescuer and my strength when I no longer have it in me to be Fearless anymore.
Plenty of times I asked God, WHY? Why this word? I am so bad at it. My heart is too soft and my mind too weak, and he would whisper right back, I got you, press on.
Instead of focusing on the strength of my outside body, God asked me to focus on the condition of my heart. Something I can do anywhere really, no Gym or calculator required. I did not end 2016 defeated, I am ending it strong.
Love the the year you’re in…
I can honestly say that after my year of living Fearless I am completely satisfied with 2016. There are no feelings of failure or aftertaste left behind by 2016. By choosing a word to focus on I was able to apply it to everything God had me on track to do anyway. God knew all the challenges I would face this past year and that keeping Fearless on my mind was going to be the word that supported me through it.
I can be Fearless even with 4 kids surrounding me at every turn in my day. If weight, finances or even *gasp* reading my bible are the biggest factors of a successful year then I will fail every year I have children living under my roof. I might even resent these littles that have been entrusted to me because let’s be real, they DO keep me from the gym, cost money and interrupt me when I’m praying to Jesus on most every occasion. However they are the greatest blessing I have EVERY year and I’m pretty sure Jesus wants me to be satisfied with where I am at in my Motherhood years. I am a success in the eyes of God if I can wake up each morning and serve my family as well as others He puts in my path to serve each day. Without apology or regret!
So I’m curious, do you declare a focus word for your year? If so, what is your word for 2018?
I will be sharing my word for 2018 sometime around the New Year so stay tuned!