Sometimes I think I’m a pretty awesome mom. I’ve got this. I know the answers. We have so many kids now I think I finally have this thing down and know what I’m up against. I know I’m not perfect and try not to criticize other parents, I just think I finally have a decent amount of it figured out.
Then Little Brave decides he hates going to bed starting on New Years Eve while you have a house full of people over and for two months after screaming every night until he gets the idea that you aren’t coming for his shenanigans. Finally, sleep again! But wait there’s more, then the Tenderhearted Guy starts having nightmares that keep him coming to his Mama every night for about a month, did I mention he shares a room with the toddler who has been barely sleeping and every night I beg Jesus that he won’t wake Little Brave. After a long while, he finally overcomes his fear and I am relieved. Okay I’ve got this all figured out again. Then the flu strikes and I am already exhausted. I clean it up though as big and brave as I can. We are recovered for a few weeks then, the flu strikes again, and I am beyond myself.
Which leads me to my moment. Time and again have to have it.
I’m on my knees.
The house is a disaster. I am exhausted. The kids want their Mama back and I’ve got nothing left to give. In my weakness I allow myself for a brief moment to feel like I am failing, not getting anything right and then come back to reality, I am on my ever loving knees.
The Toddler is crying and I am on my knees.
Wild Little Girl is waiting for me to paint her nails and I am on my knees.
The dishes are stacked high, but I am on my knees.
Garage Sale piles and boxes are stacked everywhere, but I am on my knees.
A portion of my family is not sick, at church, while I am alone with my remaining littles, feeling lonely and sad to be missing more church. I was ready to be back with my church tribe for the first time in a month.
“The name of the LORD is a strong tower; The righteous runs into it and is safe.” Proverbs 18:10
But I had an appointment with Jesus that morning and He was just waiting for me to get there. To be pushed beyond our capacity is to remember how much we need God. To become strong in Him is the kind of weakness I want. I don’t want to be strong, I want to need Christ. When I think I am strong for even a moment I am forgetting the One who breathes living air into me.
Deep down the honest truth is that I want to control my circumstances. That is the sin nature that drives us away from the good outcome which is God’s plan. My plan ends in destruction but His is the one that puts me on the path leading straight to glory.
I want my littles to see me needing Jesus. I want them to see me cry for how much Jesus I need. To be unashamed of my inadequacies as long as they point others to Jesus. Nowhere in the bible is there a promise to take our troubles away, but He promised that we can rest in Him when the troubles come. For me, that is a wonderful promise!
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
We all have moments when we are really helpless to solve our grown up problems. When cancer has invaded the body or heart. If relationships have become dry as desert land and loneliness permeates. If feelings of worth have been dictated by your surroundings and you have forgotten God has you where you are for a purpose. When the baby just won’t sleep and all you want is peace in your home again. Watching a loved one deal with incredible heartbreak. The mothers heartbreak for the child she will meet only in heaven. When you want to be understood, but God is calling you to something people won’t understand.
These are “Jesus Take The Wheel” moments.
It’s okay to fall apart.
Just fall apart in Jesus.
Don’t just give him the wheel,
surrender it all.